Welcome to Living My Faith, a weekly show that celebrates the everyday believers who are walking with Jesus not just on Sundays, but in every area of their lives. From relationships and parenting to health, habits, and home, our guests share how they keep their faith at the center of it all. Hosted in Jacksonville, Florida and supported by Christ-centered partners, Living My Faith is a space where real life meets real faith. Today our host, James Fenimore spoke with Michael DeSelm.
Michael DeSelm
Associate Director of National Fundraising Events at Stop Soldier Suicide
Website Address: https://stopsoldiersuicide.org/
Short company description:
Suicide is a complex problem that disproportionately impacts the military community. Stop Soldier Suicide is the only national nonprofit focused solely on solving the issue of suicide among U.S. veterans and service members. Our team is laser-focused on research and care that is specific to reducing veteran and service member suicide. Our vision is a nation where veterans and service members have no greater risk for suicide than any other American. We have an aggressive goal to reduce the military suicide rate by 40% no later than 2030.
Can you share a moment or experience that significantly deepened or shaped your faith journey?
A moment that shaped my faith happened the day I collapsed while working under my daughter’s Jeep. What I didn’t know then was that cancer was already in my spine and hip. One minute I was turning a wrench; the next I was on the asphalt, overwhelmed by pain I couldn’t explain. It was the moment cancer announced itself… uninvited, unexpected, and impossible to ignore.
That moment began a season that drew me closer to God in ways I never anticipated. When the diagnosis finally came (Stage IV Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma), I wasn’t afraid. I felt a deep sense of trust, even curiosity, believing God would use this for His glory. I hoped that would include my healing, but I was also at peace if it didn’t. Paul’s words in Philippians became real to me: “To live is Christ, to die is gain.” And I wasn’t alone. God surrounded me with good friends, three men who checked in on me, cared for me spiritually, and were consistently present. Their faithfulness and presence, reminiscent of the four friends in Mark 2, became a steady anchor throughout treatment. Cancer didn’t make me more spiritual; it made me more surrendered. It taught me dependence on God in a way that strength alone never could. And, if I were being totally honest, I miss that intimacy and dependence today… not that I want to endure cancer again, but I miss the simplicity of my faith in that season.
In what ways do you actively live out your faith in your daily life — at work, home, or in your community?
I try to live out my faith in very ordinary, tangible ways. At home, it looks like presence and service—showing up for my wife, doing the small things that build a life together: cooking, dishes, taking out the trash, and making her coffee every morning. At work, it means caring for my coworkers like they’re my flock and practicing servant leadership. I try to listen well—especially to our donors—because their stories matter as much as their support. In my community, I stay rooted in ministry. I still preach from time to time, lead worship regularly, and teach a small group. And those three friends who walked with me during cancer—I still meet with them. We keep each other grounded and accountable.
What encouragement or scripture has been especially meaningful to you in this season, and why?
Isaiah 56:1–8 has meant a lot to me in this season because it speaks to people who never felt like they naturally fit in, and that includes me. I didn’t grow up in church. I came to faith as an adult. So when I stepped into ministry, it wasn’t to reach some “category” of people. It was because I genuinely felt at home among the unchurched, the dechurched, the ones who buck norms or don’t see themselves reflected in typical church spaces. I’ve always joked that I belong on the “island of misfit toys” from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer… and I mean that in the best way. Those are my people. That’s my story too. Walking through military life, ministry, cancer, grief, and now empty nesting, I’ve had plenty of moments where I wondered where I fit – I still do. Isaiah 56 reminds me that God has always made space for people… people who feel a little out of place, a little in-between, but still deeply seen and welcomed by Him. That’s why I still want to create safe spaces and simple on-ramps for people to experience the grace of God. Not as projects, but as peers… as fellow “misfits” learning to belong in God’s family together.
What advice would you give to someone who’s struggling to live out their faith or looking to grow spiritually?
My best advice is this: don’t try to overhaul your whole spiritual life at once. Just take the next faithful step. I think people get stuck because there’s this belief that “growth has to be dramatic.” It doesn’t. It’s usually slow, ordinary, and built on small decisions you can sustain. A few things that have helped me: Be honest with God. You don’t have to clean yourself up to be close to Him. Start where you are. God isn’t intimidated by your doubts, frustrations, or questions. Find people who will walk with you. When I went through cancer, what carried me wasn’t my strength — it was community. Even now, I still meet with the same three guys who showed up for me. You don’t need a crowd; you need a couple of honest, steady friends. Build simple rhythms. Read a little Scripture. Pray a short prayer. Sit in silence for five minutes. Show up at a local church. Serve someone quietly. Small things done consistently shape your soul far more than big things done occasionally. Remember, you don’t grow to earn God’s love — you grow because you already have it. Spiritual growth is response, not performance. If someone’s struggling, I’d tell them this: Start small. Be honest. Stay connected. Keep going. God meets you in motion, not perfection.
Transcript:
James:
Welcome to Living My Faith. I’m James Fenimore, and today we’ve got a really great guest for you. Joining me is Michael. Michael, how are you doing?
Michael:
I’m great, James. How are you today?
James:
Doing great. Thank you so much for joining us. Listen, the show is called Living My Faith, so we start the show with really one simple question. Michael, how do you live in your faith?
Michael:
Very practical, tangible ways. Whether it’s practicing my sit and soak. Get up in the morning, cup of coffee, God’s Word, little worship music in the background, or just being intentional with my wife, my coworkers, my friends, or the guys at the gym.
I really try to just live forward and let my faith ooze out of who I am and just overflow into the world around me.
James:
That’s beautiful. I need to go back. Was it sip and soak?
Michael:
Sip, sit, and soak. Yes. I preach this so many times in my ministry, and I continue to share it with all the guys in my small group.
James:
Yeah, that’s a.
Michael:
Take a moment to sit, take a moment to soak, and take a moment to sip the coffee, something warm to wake you up in the day.
James:
I think that’s—I can’t tell you how many clients I work with that will talk about their anxieties, their stress, their anger. I’ll ask, what do you do in the morning? Well, I get up and I look at my phone.
I’m like, well, don’t spend your time with social media. Spend time with the Lord, and maybe your posture for the day will change.
So thank you so much, Michael, for giving me a suggestion on a way to kind of really package this for people.
So this is what we like to do here. We love to spotlight people that are living their faith beautifully, really to help others. Maybe somebody that’s new to faith or somebody that may be coming back to faith.
So what would you tell somebody that’s really starting to struggle or really trying to wrestle with living their faith every single day?
Michael:
Well, I think from the very beginning of God’s Word we see community. So it really starts there.
I’ve been really blessed to have a group of three or four guys that I have been meeting with either on Zoom or at the gym at 5:00 in the morning for a lot of years.
Having a strong group of guys around me that have spoken words of blessing and praise over me, but also held me accountable when I start to stray or slip and maybe turn a direction that’s not healthy for me.
So I think number one is make sure that you find your tribe. Find your core group. The people that you are allowing to be your trusted advisors to sit with you.
I think that’s number one.
Number two, as I just shared with you James, taking that moment in the morning to sit with God’s Word, have your coffee, tea, beverage, and just soak in the moment.
It takes about 13 minutes to read one chapter of the Bible, maybe even a little less if you’re looking at some of the Psalms.
So if you can just take that moment in the morning to set your course, set your navigation, and get your assignments for the day going, it’s so critically important.
I think those are two of the most important things.
Obviously I’m a huge fan of the local church. I think that’s where—it’s not a wax museum for saints, it’s a battalion aid station for the wounded.
This is where the people of God’s family gather. It’s where people are welcomed in, and it’s a place where we reset and energize and release into the world around us.
So find a core group of friends, take a few minutes every day to get in the Word and rest in that, and then find yourself a solid Bible believing church that is equipping and meeting you where you’re at.
Because grace comes before behavior change. Welcoming comes before performance change.
So we need to be that kind of light in the world around us.
James:
That’s awesome. Michael, I love what you said about finding the group of people, finding a Bible based church, spending the time in the morning.
But when it comes to inviting other people and now we’re getting into other variables, right?
Like I thought this is my guy, but he’s saying some things that don’t line up with Scripture necessarily.
Or I thought I could go to them with prayer and confide in them, and now I found out they told a few other people.
Whatever it might be.
How do you use discernment to find those what we call around here “mat carriers,” the people that are going to carry your mat when you need to be carried?
How do you find those people, or how do you discern who the right people may be to bring into your circle?
Michael:
So I think time under tension is a great phrase that we use at the gym, but it’s also really great for our relationships.
I go to a men’s breakfast, and I think that’s one space where I start to find people that have a similar background or experience, or something that I can speak into, or they have said something that has spoken into me.
Then I take the time to break bread with them. Let me have a cup of coffee with you. Let’s go for a hike.
One thing I’ve learned about men specifically is that we don’t let our guard down unless there’s an activity involved.
So I think it’s really crucial that we find those spaces.
I’m a veteran. I love to get outdoors. I love to hike. I like to run. I like to pick things up and put them down.
Those are the spaces where I’m looking for guys that I can connect with.
As that relationship builds, you start to release a little bit, like Shrek says, you take the layer of the onion down a little bit at a time.
And I think time under tension in those moments is when life starts to live and you find those deeper relationships.
Next thing you know, five years later you’re cancer free and you’re celebrating with your guys from the 5 a.m. crew because you’re like, I can’t believe all this happened over this time.
But because we’ve intentionally built this time together and shared life together, it happens.
James:
That’s great. Thank you so much, Michael. And first of all, thank you for your service.
But I really appreciate you coming on the show today and sharing some of your wisdom on how you live your faith with our audience, to give them some really amazing pointers on how they can do that.
So thank you so much for joining us today, Michael.
Michael:
The pleasure has been all mine. God bless.
James:
God bless.
And if you want to find anything about Michael or what he’s got going on, that’s going to be under this video. All his contact info and all his information will be there.
I’m James Fenimore. This has been Living My Faith, and I cannot wait to see you next time.
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